Classic Miles-Drama Skit

Classic Miles-Drama Skit

Themes: Maintaining your marriage, marriage takes some work, the benefits of a good marriage relationship
Categories: Love & Marriage, Valentine's Day 

Earl and Denise are having issues in their marriage so they seek the advice of the only person who can help them: a mechanic.  According to Denise, they've sought the help of a marriage counselor but since Earl only understands car lingo, the counselor wasn't much help.  Hence, the visit to the mechanic.  Earl claims his "car" sputters and jerks and won't move forward, and Denise claims that maybe the "car" wouldn't do that if Earl knew how to properly rev up the engine!  After the confused and befuddled mechanic realizes Earl is talking about his wife and not his car, things begin to make more sense.  Earl want to know if the mechanic can give the wife a major overhaul or if he should trade her in for a new model. The mechanic nicely reminds Earl that he is dealing with a classic car and that with all classic cars, they need a little tender loving care.  This skit is a humorous reminder that all marriages can use a tune-up every now and then and that sometimes we need to listen to the "engine" to find out how it's running.

Style: Comedy

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Characters: 3 (2 Male, 1 Female)
Length: 8-10 minutes
Excerpt (Sample)

Setting:  A man, Dave, is dressed in coveralls.  Nearby is a desk (or table) and two chairs situated to look like an office.  Pen and paper sits on the desk. Dave enters with a monkey wrench and a greasy handkerchief hanging from his pocket. 

Dave:               (enters, then calls off to the side) Marv, my 2:00 is here.  I'll be in the office.  (he goes to the desk and puts down the wrench, then pulls the handkerchief out of his pocket and wipe his hands) 

Earl and Denise enter 

Dave:               (putting the handkerchief back in his pocket) Hello.  I'm Dave.  You must be Earl and Denise.  (he extends his hand to Earl and then Denise to shake) 

Denise:            Yes.  We spoke on the phone.  

Dave:               Well, have a seat and let's see what I can do for you. 

(They all sit) 

Dave:               Now, what seems to be the problem? 

Earl:                 My car died. 

Denise:            (very defensive) It did not die!  The battery needs to be recharged.  That's why we're here.  

Dave:               (standing up, heading for an exit) Is that all?  Why, that seems simple enough.  We can have you fixed up and out of here in no time.  

Earl:                 (shaking his head 'no.) There's more.

 Dave:               Oh, I'm sorry.  (sits back down) What else is wrong? 

Earl:                 The car sputters. 

Denise:            (angry surprise) Sputters

Earl:                 Yeah.  Lately, whenever I turn on the engine it sputters and jerks and coughs and it won't move forward.  Then it sort of quits on me. 

Denise:            (angry, accusing) Well, maybe it wouldn't sputter and jerk if you had a clue as to how to rev up the engine! 

Dave:               Hmmm'sounds like we better take a look at your transmission too.  Anything else? 

Earl:                 Yeah.  I was wonderin., how long should it take an engine to warm up?

Dave:               Depending on the weather, I'd say just a few minutes.  Why, is your engine not getting warm at all? 

Earl:                 Nope.  My engine's been cold for the last year and a half! 

Denise:            (stands up) How dare you!  If that car engine is cold it's because you never spend time with it at all until you're in the mood to go for a drive! Then you hop in, push a few buttons and expect the heat to blow right out.  (starts hitting him with her purse)  

Dave:               Please, calm down! (stands up and stops Denise from her attack) There's really no need for violence.  (Dave helps Denise back to her seat)  I must say, I've never seen someone so passionate about a car before.  

Denise:            I've got a long history with it.  

Dave:               Oh, how long have you had it? 

Earl:                 Almost 20 years. 

Dave:               (shocked) Tweny years?  Well, no wonder it needs some maintenance. You must have put some serious miles on that car. 

Earl:                 You have no idea! 

Denise:            But we still think it's got some good miles left in it.  Right Earl? 

Earl:                 (half-heartedly) I guess so. 

Dave:               You aren't convinced? 

Earl:                 Well, it lost that 'new car. smell long ago and the trunk seems to have gotten bigger over the years! 

Denise:            (getting up to hit him with her purse again) Why you. 

Dave:               No, no, no!  (reaching over to stop the purse from hitting Earl) Please, sit down, Denise.  I'm sure we can discuss this calmly.  

Denise calms down and sits 

Dave:               I must say you have me very curious about this vehicle.   I can't wait to get a look under the hood. 

Earl:                 (stands up angrily and points his finger at Dave) You watch your mouth, Mister!  

Dave:               Ummm.(very confused) I didn't mean to offend you.  I'm sorry.  

Earl:                 (relaxes) That's better. (sits

Dave:               (still confused) Well, let's get some general information and then we'll take a look at your vehicle and see if we can determine what's wrong with it.  (he pulls out a sheet of paper and a pen) So, what kind of car do you have, Earl? 

Earl:                 It's a 1965 Denise Baines MacIntosh.  

Dave:               (starts to write, then stops) A .65 Baines MacIntosh?  (confused)  I'm not familiar with that model.  Who makes it? 

Earl:                 Bud and Lita MacIntosh. 

Dave:               (very confused) Excuse me? 

Denise:            He's talking about me.  I'm the car. 

Dave:               Say what? 

Denise:            I'm the car.  We came here because our marriage is in trouble. 

Dave:               Your marriage? (not knowing what to say) But I'm a mechanic

Denise:            I know.  We need a tune-up. 

Dave:               But I'm not a marriage counselor.  I fix cars.  

Earl:                 We know.  That's why we're here. 

Dave:               (very confused) Huh? 

Denise:            See, we tried to see a marriage counselor but Earl couldn't understand a word he said.  He's not so good with people.  All Earl knows is cars. 

Earl:                 So, we came to the one person I know could help us.  

Dave:               I see. 

Earl:                 So, can you run a diagnostic and tell me what's wrong with her? 

Denise:            And maybe you could give him a manual that tells him how to handle a fine automobile. 

Dave:               I don't know.  This is all a bit weird.  I'm really not qualified. 

Denise:            Please, you're our only hope! 

Earl:                 We'll pay you time and a half! 

Dave:            (brightening) Sure, why not.  How hard can it be?