I Love You, But-Drama Skit

I Love You, But-Drama Skit

Themes: Marriage, love, hurting each other with the words we say, marriage counseling
Categories: Love & Marriage, Valentine's Day 

When the pastor calls Henry and Pat into his office they believe he might be asking them to lead a marriage seminar.  Imagine their surprise when the pastor suggests they attend a seminar instead.  A bit shocked and hurt by the pastor's words, Pat and Henry try to defend their relationship but instead wind up engaging in a heated argument that seems to prove the pastor's point.  The pastor then tells the couple he thinks the problem is their "big buts."  Henry and Pat take offense to what they think is a "slam" toward their physiques, while the pastor tries to explain his position: "Whenever you use the word "but" in a sentence, whatever comes before it is diminished.  For instance, I love you but you're a nag.  Which would you remember?" Eventually the couple begins to see things the pastor's way not realizing the pastor is hiding a small secret of his own.

Style: Comedy

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Characters: 3 (2 Male, 1 Female)
Length: 3-5 minutes
Excerpt (Sample)

Setting: A pastor’s office.  Pastor sits at his desk waiting for his next appointment.  Two chairs sit in front of the desk 

A knock is heard 

Pastor:                        Come in. 

Henry and Pat enter, Pastor gets up to meet them and shakes their hands 

Pastor:                        Hi Henry, Pat.  Thanks for coming in on such short notice. 

Henry:              No problem, Pastor.  Your phone call sounded important. 

Pastor:            Please, have a seat. (Pastor returns to his chair and sits) 

Henry sits but Pat continues to stand, looking at Henry coolly.  When he looks at her, he rolls his eyes, gets up and holds the chair for her.  Then Pat sits, followed by Henry 

Pat:                  So, what can we do for you? Do you want us to lead a Sunday school class?  Chaperone the youth group? 

Henry:              If you’d let the man talk dear, he might tell you why we’re here. (flashes a somewhat phony smile at her) 

Pat:                  I’m just trying to break the ice dear, and get the conversation started. (flashes a phony smile back) 

Pastor:            No, I don’t want you to chaperone the youth.  It’s nothing like that. 

Henry:              Look, if this is about money, we’re already giving our 10% and then some.  I don’t think we can stretch our budget any more. 

Pat:                  (she speaks somewhat strained, but with a smile on her face) Not everything is about money, sweetheart.  Let it go.  

Pastor:            No, this isn’t about money either.  

Henry:              Whew! 

(Henry gets a jab from Pat) 

Pastor:            I called you here to talk to you about your marriage. 

Pat:                  (perking up) Our marriage?  (Pat smiles wide) Do you want Henry and I to lead a marriage seminar?  We’d love to.  How flattering! 

Henry:              He never said that, Pat.  Besides, don’t you think that’s something we should talk about first? 

Pat:                  We’ve got a lot of newlyweds in our church, Henry. Think about it, we could be a mentor to those young people.  

Pastor:            (frightened) No! (calming down) I mean, no that’s not why I called you here.  You see…How do I put this? (pause) I wanted to talk to you not about leading a marriage seminar but attending one. 

Pat’s smile diminishes 

Pat:                  Excuse me? 

Pastor:            I think you and Henry should consider getting some help with your marriage. 

Henry:              I don’t understand. 

Pastor:            Look, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.  We all need a little help every now and then.  

Henry:              But things are fine between Pat and I.  

Pat:                  We’ve got a great marriage! 

Pastor:            It may look like it on the surface but in reality you’ve got a lot of hidden anger and resentment towards one another and if you don’t deal with it someday you may find yourself in a place you don’t really want to be. 

Pat:                  (standing up) I think this is the place I don’t want to be right now! Of all the nerve!  Come on Henry, we’re leaving. 

Henry just sits there 

Pat:                  Henry, I said let’s go! 

Henry:              (shaking his head, talks to the pastor) I love her, but… 

Pastor:            But what, Henry? 

Pat:                  (sarcastic) Yes, but what, Henry? 

Henry sits in silence 

Pat:                  (raises her voice) Henry? 

Henry:              (standing up) All right, I love you but you’re a nag and you’re too bossy! 

Pat:                  (shocked) I beg you’re pardon? 

During the next exchanges between Henry and Pat, the actors should try to not come off as “too angry”—their banter should be playful but yet with a hint of sarcasm 

Henry:              I love you but you’re always bossing me around telling me what to do.  Do this Henry, do that Henry, don’t do this, wear that, pick that up Henry, put that down Henry.  All you do is nag, nag, nag! 

Pat:                  Henry Dwayne Johnson, I love you but… 

Henry:              But what? 

Pat:                  I love you but you are the laziest man I know!  If I nag you, it’s only because nothing would ever get done around here if I didn’t. 

Henry:              What do you mean I’m lazy?  I work hard 5 days a week! 

Pat:                  And then you come home and do nothing.  

Henry:              I like to relax when I get home.  After a long day at work, I deserve a little R&R! 

Pat:                  And what about me?  Don’t I deserve a little rest and relaxation too? 

Henry:              Oh yeah, I’m sure it’s exhausting spending all that money everyday. 

Pat:                  What money? 

Henry:              Pat, I love you but you spend money like it’s water! Every time I turn around you’ve got a new dress or new pair of shoes.  How many shoes can one woman wear in a lifetime for goodness sake?  

Pat:                  Spending money makes me feel good.  Maybe I wouldn’t have to spend so much if you’d buy me something or take me somewhere nice every once in awhile.  I love you Henry but you’re the cheapest man I know!  You’d hoard a penny you found on the street! 

Henry:              Is that so?  Well maybe I’d take you out for a nice evening sometime if I didn’t think our every move was going to be broadcast to the entire neighborhood! 

Pat:                  What’s that supposed to mean? 

Henry:              It means that you tell all your friends about every detail of our life.  Do they really need to know about my under garment choices or how often I shave my nose hair?  Honestly, I love you Pat but you don’t have the good sense to keep some things private. 

Pat:                  Well, maybe I wouldn’t talk to them if you’d listen to me more.  I love you but you never pay any attention to me! 

Henry:              Maybe I’d pay more attention to you if you weren’t talking my ear off all the time!  I love you but you never shut up! 

Pat:                  Maybe I never shut up because I’m trying to get your attention.  It wouldn’t kill you to romance me once in awhile you know!  I love you but your idea of romance is buying me an apple pie at McDonalds. 

Henry:              But you like McDonald’s apple pies. 

Pat:                  Not for our anniversary!  

Henry:              I don’t get you Pat.  I love you but you’re never satisfied. 

Pat:                  That’s because you never put any effort into anything.  I love you Henry but you don’t get me because you don’t even try to. 

Henry:              (sounding defeated, plops down in his chair—he shakes his head and speaks to the pastor) I love her Pastor but… 

Pat:                  (mimics Henry’s actions—plops in the chair, shakes her head and speaks to the pastor) I love him but… 

Pastor:            Well, after that little exchange I think I might know what your problem is. 

Pat:                  What’s that? 

Pastor:            You’re big “but.”